Discussion:
Parsing Ski Descriptions
(too old to reply)
Lisa Horton
2005-04-01 19:22:28 UTC
Permalink
I just don't understand the ski industry, and their minimal and vague
descriptions of their skis. Does anyone understand these phrases?


"for women skiers starting to ski the fall line"
Okay, the fall line is down the hill, right? The way that a ball would
roll? So, what do you ski other than the fall line, uphill?

or, "ideal for intermediate skiers starting to increase speed who desire
a high level of comfort."
It's a ski faster than a beginner ski, but still soft?

or "Women truly enjoy the ease at which this ski turns, and therefore
will enjoy more of the mountain".
Okay, I get that this is a ski that's relatively easy to turn, is the
idea that the ease of turning will open up more difficult terrain?

And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right? If so, for someone who
never skis anything remotely resembling back country, but might ski on
ungroomed runs at times, is there any point to an all mountain ski, or
is one designed for groomers a better bet?

Thanks, in confusion,

Lisa
Mary Malmros
2005-04-01 19:34:01 UTC
Permalink
Post by Lisa Horton
I just don't understand the ski industry, and their minimal and vague
descriptions of their skis. Does anyone understand these phrases?
"for women skiers starting to ski the fall line"
Okay, the fall line is down the hill, right? The way that a ball would
roll? So, what do you ski other than the fall line, uphill?
They're talking about traversing. When you traverse traverse traverse
traverse traverse TURN traverse traverse traverse traverse traverse
TURN, you're not "skiing the fall line", because you're spending the
large majority of your time heading across the hill, not directly down
it. "Skiing the fall line" means that that's your general direction of
travel, with turns to control speed and direction.

As for the "for women skiers" bizniz, that simply means "for
lighter-weight skiers". The skis don't know if you're XX or XY.
Post by Lisa Horton
or, "ideal for intermediate skiers starting to increase speed who desire
a high level of comfort."
It's a ski faster than a beginner ski, but still soft?
That would be my guess: easy-turning, not squirrely, not a super-high
performer.
Post by Lisa Horton
or "Women truly enjoy the ease at which this ski turns, and therefore
will enjoy more of the mountain".
Okay, I get that this is a ski that's relatively easy to turn, is the
idea that the ease of turning will open up more difficult terrain?
I wouldn't think so. It sort of sounds like, again, they're talking
about a ski for lighter-weight skiers who might have difficulty turning
a stiffer ski. So it sounds more like it's aimed at someone who's
already skiing "more of the mountain", but is designed to make it more
"enjoy"able.
Post by Lisa Horton
And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right?
Not in my lexicon. I think of "on piste" as inbounds, except for tree
areas.
Post by Lisa Horton
If so, for someone who
never skis anything remotely resembling back country, but might ski on
ungroomed runs at times, is there any point to an all mountain ski, or
is one designed for groomers a better bet?
An all mountain ski is meant for a variety of conditions, and just as a
ski can't tell if you've got two X chromosomes or not, it can't tell
what side of the ropes you're on. It's a question of conditions. If
you ski inbounds in areas that have a narrow range of conditions, I'd
suggest a ski that's optimized for that range. If you see a lot of
variation -- corduroy, fresh, crud, ice, moguls, etc. -- then I think an
all-mountain ski makes sense.

I would also suggest, if you're shopping around, that you demo a couple
of higher-performance models, like the Atomic SX or something like that.
You might find it strange and uncomfortable, but OTOH, you might have
a great time. In any case, it'll give you a good benchmark as to where
you should be on the comfort-performance spectrum.
--
Mary Malmros ***@bcn.net
Some days you're the windshield, other days you're the bug.
Walt
2005-04-01 21:09:07 UTC
Permalink
Post by Mary Malmros
As for the "for women skiers" bizniz, that simply means "for
lighter-weight skiers". The skis don't know if you're XX or XY.
True enough for the active, low body-fat-index folk. (although there's
rumor of a new ski from K2 that has a DNA sequencer on the tip (c: ) .

But if you follow Jeanie Thoren's theory, women and men carry weight
differently, especially if they are slightly overweight. Men tend to
get beer bellies, while women tend to ...um... become pear shaped. The
beer gut moves your weight forward, which is good for skiing, but the
female middle-aged spread moves the weight back, which is not so good.
Bottom line is that female specific gear where the bindings mounted
farther forward can help some women become better skiers.

Anyway, that's the idea. I'm mostly in agreement with you that it's
mostly a weight/aggressiveness thing, but wanted to mention that there's
another side to it.
--
//-Walt
//
// There is no Völkl Conspiracy
Sven Golly
2005-04-01 21:42:13 UTC
Permalink
Post by Walt
But if you follow Jeanie Thoren's theory, women and men carry weight
differently, especially if they are slightly overweight. Men tend to
get beer bellies, while women tend to ...um... become pear shaped. The
beer gut moves your weight forward, which is good for skiing, but the
female middle-aged spread moves the weight back, which is not so good.
Bottom line is that female specific gear where the bindings mounted
farther forward can help some women become better skiers.
As someone who knows someone who works closely with Jeanie, it's not just
theory. She's somewhat absolutist about heel lifts, forward mounting and
ramping but my friend says that 90% of the time it's a benefit. That's why
K2's T9 / LUV series have the mounting point and sidecut located 2cm
forward and, I think, 2 degrees of extra ramp.
--
Sven Golly
Trolling as usual
Remove the _ to reply by email
Walt
2005-04-01 21:56:13 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sven Golly
Post by Walt
But if you follow Jeanie Thoren's theory, women and men carry weight
differently, especially if they are slightly overweight. Men tend to
get beer bellies, while women tend to ...um... become pear shaped. The
beer gut moves your weight forward, which is good for skiing, but the
female middle-aged spread moves the weight back, which is not so good.
Bottom line is that female specific gear where the bindings mounted
farther forward can help some women become better skiers.
As someone who knows someone who works closely with Jeanie, it's not just
theory. She's somewhat absolutist about heel lifts, forward mounting and
ramping but my friend says that 90% of the time it's a benefit. That's why
K2's T9 / LUV series have the mounting point and sidecut located 2cm
forward and, I think, 2 degrees of extra ramp.
Sadly, my only options regarding testing Thoren's Theory are 1) get a
sex change, or 2) remain agnostic. I think I'll stick with option 2.

That said, I've met several women who've been to her clinics and took
her advice about upgrading their gear. The verdict is unanimously positive.
--
//-Walt
//
// There is no Völkl Conspiracy
lal_truckee
2005-04-01 21:15:57 UTC
Permalink
Mary Malmros wrote:
CLIP mostly opinion, which can be right or wrong with no penalty...
Post by Mary Malmros
Post by Lisa Horton
And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right?
Not in my lexicon. I think of "on piste" as inbounds, except for tree
areas.
Whoops!
Lisa has it right: abstractly, the "piste" is where the mob skis, i.e.
the primary routes down the mountain, often ratified (but not required)
by being groomed. (Note that the term "piste" preceeds grooming
machines, historically.) Therefore in modern terms "On Piste" is
generally equivalent to skiing on the groomed (but not always,
technically; you follow the mob, you're "On Piste" groomed or not.)

"Off Piste" therefore means the part (if any) of the mountain that is
not a primary route, or translated into today's terms, not groomed.

It has nothing to do with "in bounds." (Technically, in the older sense
of the word, you can even be on piste when out of bounds if you're
following the trail the hoi polloi made.)
Lisa Horton
2005-04-01 21:26:34 UTC
Permalink
Post by lal_truckee
CLIP mostly opinion, which can be right or wrong with no penalty...
Post by Mary Malmros
Post by Lisa Horton
And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right?
Not in my lexicon. I think of "on piste" as inbounds, except for tree
areas.
Whoops!
Lisa has it right: abstractly, the "piste" is where the mob skis, i.e.
the primary routes down the mountain, often ratified (but not required)
by being groomed. (Note that the term "piste" preceeds grooming
machines, historically.) Therefore in modern terms "On Piste" is
generally equivalent to skiing on the groomed (but not always,
technically; you follow the mob, you're "On Piste" groomed or not.)
"Off Piste" therefore means the part (if any) of the mountain that is
not a primary route, or translated into today's terms, not groomed.
It has nothing to do with "in bounds." (Technically, in the older sense
of the word, you can even be on piste when out of bounds if you're
following the trail the hoi polloi made.)
So, a run that is off away from the main area, and ungroomed, but on the
trail map, might be considered off piste as far as ski selection?

Lisa
lal_truckee
2005-04-01 22:05:06 UTC
Permalink
Post by Lisa Horton
So, a run that is off away from the main area, and ungroomed, but on the
trail map, might be considered off piste as far as ski selection?
Yep. Very common in the West, since we don't always have to plan and cut
a trail in order to ski a route. Even if no one else knows, the Patrol
has a name for everything, so they can direct someone on the radio to
where the remains are for pickup.

But often enough the names are on the map. The route is seldom skied
(and never groomed) so it is off piste by definition.

IIRC, you're familiar with Alpine Meadows? A few of the named off piste
examples on the map would be Idiot's Delight, Keyhole and Palisades,
High Yellow, Sherwood Cliffs; the back bowls - CB, South, and Big Bend;
the front bowls Beaver, Estelle, and Bernie's; and Gentian/Promised
Land. Much more is patrol named but not on the map: c.f. Skadi, where
the patrol often buries a beacon that anyone can practice locating.

As far as ski selection for specific conditions - sound technique is
more important than the ski in all conditions.
Lisa Horton
2005-04-01 22:44:00 UTC
Permalink
Post by lal_truckee
Post by Lisa Horton
So, a run that is off away from the main area, and ungroomed, but on the
trail map, might be considered off piste as far as ski selection?
Yep. Very common in the West, since we don't always have to plan and cut
a trail in order to ski a route. Even if no one else knows, the Patrol
has a name for everything, so they can direct someone on the radio to
where the remains are for pickup.
But often enough the names are on the map. The route is seldom skied
(and never groomed) so it is off piste by definition.
Good, so I'm not crazy, or at least not in this particular way. I found
such an area recently, and the snow was interesting to ski on. Kind of
fun, in a random way. A very different sensation on the feet, very
arrhythmic.
Post by lal_truckee
IIRC, you're familiar with Alpine Meadows? A few of the named off piste
examples on the map would be Idiot's Delight, Keyhole and Palisades,
High Yellow, Sherwood Cliffs; the back bowls - CB, South, and Big Bend;
the front bowls Beaver, Estelle, and Bernie's; and Gentian/Promised
Land. Much more is patrol named but not on the map: c.f. Skadi, where
the patrol often buries a beacon that anyone can practice locating.
I haven't made it there yet. Various factors have conspired to keep me
away from the mountains this season. But now I'm caught up on work, I'm
not sick, and my back is completely better, so I can at least attack the
Spring skiing with enthusiasm.
Post by lal_truckee
As far as ski selection for specific conditions - sound technique is
more important than the ski in all conditions.
Encouraging words to hear. Practicing is cheaper than buying new skis
:)

Lisa
VtSkier
2005-04-02 14:43:22 UTC
Permalink
(snip)
Post by Lisa Horton
Post by lal_truckee
As far as ski selection for specific conditions - sound technique is
more important than the ski in all conditions.
Encouraging words to hear. Practicing is cheaper than buying new skis
and, I might add, a whole lot more fun.
e***@mailinator.com
2005-04-04 11:38:18 UTC
Permalink
I guess yes...until it's skind into a mogul field. No run with moguls
is properly "off-piste", the presence of moguls reveals that it's
actually a non-groomed piste (official or not).
Sue White
2005-04-10 22:13:32 UTC
Permalink
Post by e***@mailinator.com
I guess yes...until it's skind into a mogul field. No run with moguls
is properly "off-piste", the presence of moguls reveals that it's
actually a non-groomed piste (official or not).
Try that one on your insurance company...
--
Sue ]3(:)

At the last annual count, Britain had 544 breweries and rising.
Lisa Horton
2005-04-01 21:16:27 UTC
Permalink
Post by Mary Malmros
Post by Lisa Horton
I just don't understand the ski industry, and their minimal and vague
descriptions of their skis. Does anyone understand these phrases?
"for women skiers starting to ski the fall line"
Okay, the fall line is down the hill, right? The way that a ball would
roll? So, what do you ski other than the fall line, uphill?
They're talking about traversing. When you traverse traverse traverse
traverse traverse TURN traverse traverse traverse traverse traverse
TURN, you're not "skiing the fall line", because you're spending the
large majority of your time heading across the hill, not directly down
it. "Skiing the fall line" means that that's your general direction of
travel, with turns to control speed and direction.
Ah, I get it. I guess that's me then. It describes what's currently
changing in my skiing, from the wide traverse with little turns, to just
a series of turns pointing down the hill.
Post by Mary Malmros
As for the "for women skiers" bizniz, that simply means "for
lighter-weight skiers". The skis don't know if you're XX or XY.
I see, like the way you choose ski length by weight, ignoring height.
Some manufacturers are saying that they're doing more than making them
for lighter skiers, like moving the stiffer/softer parts of the ski to
adapt to skiers who carry more of their weight lower on their body.
Post by Mary Malmros
Post by Lisa Horton
or, "ideal for intermediate skiers starting to increase speed who desire
a high level of comfort."
It's a ski faster than a beginner ski, but still soft?
That would be my guess: easy-turning, not squirrely, not a super-high
performer.
Post by Lisa Horton
or "Women truly enjoy the ease at which this ski turns, and therefore
will enjoy more of the mountain".
Okay, I get that this is a ski that's relatively easy to turn, is the
idea that the ease of turning will open up more difficult terrain?
I wouldn't think so. It sort of sounds like, again, they're talking
about a ski for lighter-weight skiers who might have difficulty turning
a stiffer ski. So it sounds more like it's aimed at someone who's
already skiing "more of the mountain", but is designed to make it more
"enjoy"able.
Okay, not quite so stiff, more comfortable and easy to turn for the
lighter skier.
Post by Mary Malmros
Post by Lisa Horton
And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right?
Not in my lexicon. I think of "on piste" as inbounds, except for tree
areas.
Post by Lisa Horton
If so, for someone who
never skis anything remotely resembling back country, but might ski on
ungroomed runs at times, is there any point to an all mountain ski, or
is one designed for groomers a better bet?
An all mountain ski is meant for a variety of conditions, and just as a
ski can't tell if you've got two X chromosomes or not, it can't tell
what side of the ropes you're on. It's a question of conditions. If
you ski inbounds in areas that have a narrow range of conditions, I'd
suggest a ski that's optimized for that range. If you see a lot of
variation -- corduroy, fresh, crud, ice, moguls, etc. -- then I think an
all-mountain ski makes sense.
That makes sense. Seems like it might be more logical to talk about
kind of snow, corduroy, etc, rather than off/on piste. I think I am,
likely, skiing on a relatively narrow range of conditions.
Post by Mary Malmros
I would also suggest, if you're shopping around, that you demo a couple
of higher-performance models, like the Atomic SX or something like that.
You might find it strange and uncomfortable, but OTOH, you might have
a great time. In any case, it'll give you a good benchmark as to where
you should be on the comfort-performance spectrum.
The demo place at my regular area has shut down for the year, but there
are local places that offer demos. I'd have to rent them for the whole
trip though, which could add up quickly.

Thanks for your advice and info Mary.

Lisa
Bill Tuthill
2005-04-01 23:54:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by Lisa Horton
The demo place at my regular area has shut down for the year, but there
are local places that offer demos. I'd have to rent them for the whole
trip though, which could add up quickly.
Forgot to say: if you demo a different pair of skis every weekend for
$100 a day, and can't tell any difference between them, see Figure 1.
TexasSkiNut
2005-04-01 19:55:51 UTC
Permalink
Post by Lisa Horton
I just don't understand the ski industry, and their minimal and vague
descriptions of their skis. Does anyone understand these phrases?
It's all about the marketing. Once you understand them, they'll come
up with something new.
Post by Lisa Horton
"for women skiers starting to ski the fall line"
Okay, the fall line is down the hill, right? The way that a ball would
roll? So, what do you ski other than the fall line, uphill?
More like across the hill (aka traversing), while eventually working
your way downhill. When I'm effectively "skiing the fall line", my
upper body travels more or less straight down the hill while
consistently facing that direction. When I'm just working my way down
a tough section, I'm often all over the place, with varying degrees of
upper body rotation (not to mention control).
Post by Lisa Horton
or, "ideal for intermediate skiers starting to increase speed who desire
a high level of comfort."
It's a ski faster than a beginner ski, but still soft?
Not necessarily soft, but more forgiving than a more advanced ski. I'm
assuming the marketeers are referring to comfort with respect to
attitude towards speed rather than physical comfort.
Post by Lisa Horton
or "Women truly enjoy the ease at which this ski turns, and therefore
will enjoy more of the mountain".
Okay, I get that this is a ski that's relatively easy to turn, is the
idea that the ease of turning will open up more difficult terrain?
Something like that. Either that or their level of enjoyment will
increase while skiing the same old terrain. Pretty much a useless
phrase meant to convey "try it, you'll like it!"
Post by Lisa Horton
And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right?
"Off Piste" is a relatively new term on this side of the pond. It's
only been in the last few years that it's become common in North
America. To my understanding, in Europe it has been used to
differentiate between marked and unmarked runs. A marked (i.e. on the
trail map) run may or may not ever be groomed. By this
definition/usage, a bump run would still be on-piste. Off-piste
usually just means off the established trail. Could be in the trees or
out of bounds. Of course, off-piste runs are never groomed, unless the
groomer gets lost.
Post by Lisa Horton
If so, for someone who never skis anything remotely resembling back
country, but might ski on ungroomed runs at times, is there any point
to an all mountain ski, or is one designed for groomers a better bet?
The proverbial all-mountain ski doesn't exist. Some might come close,
but there are usually lots of compromises to be made. Most skis I'm
familiar with that are designed for groomers tend to be useful
primarily for carving. They can be very unstable at speed or just
trying to go straight. The marketeers usually reserve the all-mountain
designation for higher end advanced/expert skis. Your best bet is to
not put too much weight behind what they say and instead concentrate on
finding the best ski for you. Having access to a good ski shop will
help. Seek the advice of their best staff and get some ideas on what
to try.
lal_truckee
2005-04-01 21:24:55 UTC
Permalink
Post by TexasSkiNut
"Off Piste" is a relatively new term on this side of the pond. It's
only been in the last few years that it's become common in North
America. To my understanding, in Europe it has been used to
differentiate between marked and unmarked runs. A marked (i.e. on the
trail map) run may or may not ever be groomed. By this
definition/usage, a bump run would still be on-piste. Off-piste
usually just means off the established trail. Could be in the trees or
out of bounds. Of course, off-piste runs are never groomed, unless the
groomer gets lost.
Heh. "Piste" is as old as skiing, and continuously common in the States
since the early days, before any of us were born. All early ski terms
were French or German. BTW, you can wow your enemies and irritate your
friends by learning a few early ski terms.
TexasSkiNut
2005-04-01 21:46:02 UTC
Permalink
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
"Off Piste" is a relatively new term on this side of the pond.
It's
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
only been in the last few years that it's become common in North
America. To my understanding, in Europe it has been used to
differentiate between marked and unmarked runs. A marked (i.e. on the
trail map) run may or may not ever be groomed. By this
definition/usage, a bump run would still be on-piste. Off-piste
usually just means off the established trail. Could be in the trees or
out of bounds. Of course, off-piste runs are never groomed, unless the
groomer gets lost.
Heh. "Piste" is as old as skiing, and continuously common in the States
since the early days, before any of us were born. All early ski terms
were French or German. BTW, you can wow your enemies and irritate your
friends by learning a few early ski terms.
Yeah, I'm a relative newbie with regards to skiing as I didn't start
until 1991. I didn't hear the term "piste" used for several years and
actually looked it up. The marketeers started using it a few years
later. Of course, they might have used them before I started skiing
and just stopped for a while...
Mary Malmros
2005-04-02 00:31:53 UTC
Permalink
Post by TexasSkiNut
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
"Off Piste" is a relatively new term on this side of the pond.
It's
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
only been in the last few years that it's become common in North
America. To my understanding, in Europe it has been used to
differentiate between marked and unmarked runs. A marked (i.e. on
the
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
trail map) run may or may not ever be groomed. By this
definition/usage, a bump run would still be on-piste. Off-piste
usually just means off the established trail. Could be in the
trees or
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
out of bounds. Of course, off-piste runs are never groomed, unless
the
Post by lal_truckee
Post by TexasSkiNut
groomer gets lost.
Heh. "Piste" is as old as skiing, and continuously common in the
States
Post by lal_truckee
since the early days, before any of us were born. All early ski terms
were French or German. BTW, you can wow your enemies and irritate
your
Post by lal_truckee
friends by learning a few early ski terms.
Yeah, I'm a relative newbie with regards to skiing as I didn't start
until 1991. I didn't hear the term "piste" used for several years and
actually looked it up. The marketeers started using it a few years
later. Of course, they might have used them before I started skiing
and just stopped for a while...
Heck yeah, it was a lot bigger in the '60s and early '70s. Go rent "The
Pink Panther" -- the original -- for some great ski scenes, apparel, and
vocabulary.
--
Mary Malmros ***@bcn.net
Some days you're the windshield, other days you're the bug.
Steve
2005-04-01 20:06:58 UTC
Permalink
In article <***@lisahorton.net>,
Lisa Horton <***@lisahorton.net> wrote:
-I just don't understand the ski industry, and their minimal and vague
-descriptions of their skis. Does anyone understand these phrases?
-
-
-"for women skiers starting to ski the fall line"
-Okay, the fall line is down the hill, right? The way that a ball would
-roll? So, what do you ski other than the fall line, uphill?
-
-or, "ideal for intermediate skiers starting to increase speed who desire
-a high level of comfort."
-It's a ski faster than a beginner ski, but still soft?
-
-or "Women truly enjoy the ease at which this ski turns, and therefore
-will enjoy more of the mountain".
-Okay, I get that this is a ski that's relatively easy to turn, is the
-idea that the ease of turning will open up more difficult terrain?
-
-And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste". As I'm
-understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
-and off piste means not groomed, is that right? If so, for someone who
-never skis anything remotely resembling back country, but might ski on
-ungroomed runs at times, is there any point to an all mountain ski, or
-is one designed for groomers a better bet?
-
-Thanks, in confusion,
-
-Lisa

Pure marketing, as far as I can tell.

Ski 'reviews' seem to be designed
to either 1) Sell that pair of skis to a particular self-identified market niche, or
2) Boast about the 'reviewers' own skills

I've been using skis that I really really like, that I probably never would
have bought, or even demoed, if I depended on reviews. Fortunately, I
was in a demoing mood at my local hill (Perfect North), they had a limited selection,
and I figured, "what the hell, I can bring them back in 5 minutes if they scare me."

Almost every characteristic that I really like about my skis is exactly opposite
to what every review about them claimed them to be. Short version - I'm a middle
of the road, improving intermediate who likes to go slow and gets scared by speed.
My skis are Volkl P40 EnergYrails, which were sold as, and 'reviewed' as hard-core,
for expert racers only, full-on GS racing skis that cannot possibly travel at less
than 50 mph, or be turned by anyone less strong than the Herminator.

The reviews on my skis were, to put it politely, nonsense. And so, probably,
are the ones you are trying to interpret. I think the only sensible thing is to
allocate a long time, maybe even two full seasons, to asking opinions, analyzing your
own desires, demoing everything you can get your hands on - including skis you're sure
are wrong for you, and torturing yourself with decision-making until you can finally
plunk down the cash with a smile. Or else truly accept your non-Buddha nature, grab
every pair of skis that look interesting, and refer to the collection as your quiver.


Steve
Jeff
2005-04-01 21:10:55 UTC
Permalink
Or else truly accept your non-Buddha nature, grab every
pair of skis that look interesting, and refer to the
collection as your quiver.
Personally I won't be happy until I have a "Wednesday" pair....

Jeff
Bill Tuthill
2005-04-01 23:42:02 UTC
Permalink
Post by Lisa Horton
I just don't understand the ski industry, and their minimal and vague
descriptions of their skis. Does anyone understand these phrases?
Since it's April 1st, I thought you were joking so I'll give you a reply
based on the famous "AT&T See Figure 1" memo.

The ski industry wants you to buy two pairs of skis... Every month!
If you're still skiing on straight skis, or barrel staves, see Figure 1.

*-------------------------------*
| _ |
| |_| |
| | | |
| | | |
| .-.| |.-. |
| .-| | | |.-. |
| | | | ; |
| \ ; |
| \ ; |
| | : |
| | | |
| | | |
| |
*-------------------------------*
Figure 1.
Post by Lisa Horton
"for women skiers starting to ski the fall line"
These skis turn so easily that you can't really go faster than 5 mph
on them, and if gawd forbid they do get out of control on a steep slope,
it's certain you'll crash spectacularly instead of recovering. If you
want to ski faster than 5 mph, see Figure 1.
Post by Lisa Horton
or, "ideal for intermediate skiers starting to increase speed
who desire a high level of comfort."
These skis are so flaccid they remind you of your grandfather
before Viagra. When you go over bumps, you won't feel a thing!
Of course when you're trying to hold an edge on ice, you'll slip
and fall, probably followed by a nice toboggan ride to the bottom
of the hill and an awaiting ambulance. If you want stiff skis
that hold an edge on ice, see Figure 1.
Post by Lisa Horton
or "Women truly enjoy the ease at which this ski turns, and therefore
will enjoy more of the mountain".
Previously you could enjoy only the green dot and blue square slopes.
Now you might be able to ski a black diamond, since these skis turn,
unlike barrel staves. They might turn when you don't want them to!
If that is the case, please see Figure 1.
Post by Lisa Horton
And finally a question about "all mountain" and "off piste".
All Mountain skis are good for going out of bounds! If the Ski Patrol
takes away your pass, see Figure 1. If you get caught in an avalanche,
and have not yet purchased the Ski Industry's latest rescue beeper,
forget about Figure 1, you won't see it again.
Post by Lisa Horton
understanding what I've read here, on piste is runs that are groomed,
and off piste means not groomed, is that right?
Yes, of course this vocabulary is wrong, because "piste" is a French
word meaning "trail" and most non-groomed places you ski are trails.
If you don't like French, see Figure 1.
Post by Lisa Horton
If so, for someone who never skis anything remotely resembling
back country, but might ski on ungroomed runs at times, is there
any point to an all mountain ski?
Of course buying an all-mountain ski will increase profits for the
Ski Industry. If you don't have any money left over after buying
lift tickets and a $10 hamburger, see Figure 1.
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